Preface

Acknowledgments

Part ONE Conflict Components

Chapter 1 The Nature of Conflict

Interpersonal Conflict Depends on Interpersonal Communication

Family Relationships.....

Love Relationships.....

The Workplace.....

The Importance of Skill Development.....

Preventing Destructive Conflict.....

Conflict Defined.....

An Expressed Struggle.....

Interdependence.....

Perceived Incompatible Goals.....

Perceived Scarce Resources.....

Interference......

Understanding Destructive Conflict......

The Four Horsemen......

Stressful Drama Examples.....

Escalatory Spirals.....

Avoidance Spirals......

Your Opportunities.....

Summary......

Key Terms......

Review Questions.....

Chapter 2 Perspectives on Conflict

Your Personal History.....

More Reflections on Your Specific History

Your Worldview Affects How You Think and Feel About Conflict

Negative Views of Conflict.....

Positive Views of Conflict.....

Insights from Metaphors.....

Metaphors Reflecting Danger

Metaphors Reflecting Opportunity

The Lens Model of Conflict.....

The Dangers of Single Focus.....

Identify The Filters on Your Lens.....

Gender Filters.....

Cultural Filters.....

Summary......

Key Terms.....

Review Questions.....

Chapter 3 Interests and Goals

Types of Goals: TRIP.....

Topic Goals: What Do We Want?.....

Relational Goals: Who Are We to Each Other?.....

Identity, or Face-Saving, Goals: Who Am I in This Interaction?.....

Process Goals: What Communication Process Will Be Used?.....

The Overlapping Nature of TRIP Goals.....

Goals Change in Interaction.....

Prospective Goals.....

Transactive Goals.....

Retrospective Goals.....

Goal Clarity.....

Clarify Your Goals

Estimate the Other’s Goals.....

Collaborative Goals.....

Summary.....

Key Terms.....

Review Questions.....

Chapter 4 Power: The Structure of Conflict

What Is Power?.....

Orientations to Power.....

Designated Power.....

Either/Or Power.....

Both/And Power.....

Power Denial.....

A Relational Theory of Power.....

Defining Interpersonal Power.....

Individual Power Currencies.....

Resources Control

Interpersonal Linkages

Communication Skills

Expertise

Assessing Your Relational Power

Power Imbalances.....

High Power.....

Low Power.....

Constructive Power Balancing.....

Techniques for Balancing Power.....

Dialogue.....

Restraint.....

Focus on Interdependence

The Power of Calm Persistence.....

Stay Actively Engaged.....

Empowerment of Low-Power People by High-Power People.....

Metacommunication.....

What to Say When You Are Low Power.....

Summary.....

Key Terms.....

Review Questions.....

Chapter 5 Styles

The Nature of Styles

Assessing Your Styles.....

Will You Avoid or Engage?.....

Avoidance.....

Avoidance and Culture.....

The Avoid/Criticize Loop.....

Avoiding.....

Dominating.....

Destructive Domination.....

Threats.....

Compromise.....

Competition.....

Obliging.....

Integrating.....

Cautions About Styles.....

Verbal Aggressiveness and Verbal Abuse

Bullying.....

Violence.....

Patterns of Violence.....

Explanations for Violence.....

Interaction Dynamics.....

Flexibility Creates Constructive Conflict.....

Being Stuck.....

Are You Stuck?.....

Summary.....

Key Terms.....

Review Questions.....

Part TWO Intervention

Chapter 6 Emotions in Conflict

Introducing Emotion.....

Misconceptions of Emotion in Conflict.....

Model of Emotions

Finding Feelings.....

Functions of Emotions.....

Functions of Negative Emotions.....

Functions of Positive Emotions.....

Core Concerns: Organizing Positive Emotions

The Mid-Range: The Zone of Effectiveness.....

First Steps: Learn to Be a Warrior—of the Heart.....

Personal Responsibility for Emotional Transformation.....

Summary.....

Key Terms.....

Review Questions.....

Chapter 7 Analyzing Your Conflicts

Macro-Level Mapping.....

Systems Theory.....

Complex Conflict Patterns....

Micro-Level Mapping.....

Interaction Rules.....

Microevents.....

Comprehensive Guides.....

Conflict Assessment Guide.....

Difficult Conversations Guide.....

Summary.....

Key Terms.....

Review Questions.....

Chapter 8 Interpersonal Negotiation

Negotiation in Everyday Life.....

Negotiation Is One Path to Conflict Resolution.....

Negotiation and Culture.....

Constructive Argumentation: Test Ideas, Not People.....

Approaches to Negotiation.....

Competitive Negotiation.....

Assumptions.....

Communication Patterns.....

Disadvantages.....

Integrative Negotiation.....

Assumptions.....

Balancing Power

Communication Patterns.....

Coaching for Integrative Negotiators: Putting It Into Practice

Nonspecific Compensation

Disadvantages of Integrative Bargaining

Seven Elements of Principled Negotiation......

1. Attend to the relationship

2. Attend to all elements of communication

3. Focus on interests, not positions

4. Generate many options

5. Find legitimate criteria

6. Analyze the “best alternative to a negotiated agreement (BATNA

7. Work with fair and realistic commitments

What makes implementing the Core Concerns So Difficult?

The Language of Integration.....

Competitive and Integrative Phases......

Summary.....

Key Terms.....

Review Questions.....

Chapter 9 Third-Party Intervention

The Need for Third Parties.....

Advantages of Using Skilled Third Parties.....

Informal Help.....

Conditions for Helping.....

Cautions about Informal Intervention.....

Formal Intervention.....

The Intervention Continuum.....

When the Parties Decide.....

When an Outsider Decides.....

Arbitration: An Expert Decides

Summary.....

Key Terms....

Review Questions.....

Chapter 10 The Practice of Forgiveness and Reconciliation

by Gary W. Hawk, University of Montana

Forgiveness and Reconciliation in the Context of Interpersonal Conflict

Some Definitions.....

What’s to Forgive?.....

Some Misconceptions about Forgiveness.....

When There Is an Imbalance of Power.....

The Matter of Memory.....

Decision or Process?.....

Emphasizing Process over Decision.....

Getting Stuck: Eddies in the River.....

The Personal and Interpersonal Dimensions of Forgiveness.....

Gestures.....

The Value and Limits of Apology.....

Switching the Point of View: Receiving Forgiveness and Forgiving Oneself

Reconciliation: A Late Stage in the Journey.....

Insights from History, Politics, and Literature.....

The Strand of Truth.....

The Strand of Forbearance.....

The Strand of Empathy.....

Commitment to the Relationship out of Awareness of Our Interdependence

The Tie that Binds: A Multicultural Example from Hawaii

Conclusion.....

Summary.....

Key Terms.....

Review Questions.....

References

Name Index

Subject Index